What we all get wrong about anger

My habit of judgmentalness was especially strong because it was also positively reinforced: In addition to the alleviation of boredom and disappointment, I also felt a swell of positive feeling while I was arguing and being judgmental. This was partly excitement—the thrill of the intellectual hunt!—but by far the largest positive emotion I experienced in these situations was good old-fashioned self-righteous anger.

Anger is typically the result of the following assessment about the world: Something is wrong. Now, if that were the end of the assessment, you’d expect to feel negative. But hidden between the lines of most assessments of injustice is an implied assessment of justice: Something is wrong… and I’m right!

Anger is a crutch that makes us passive

My argumentative judgmentalness and all the ego-boosting anger that resulted distracted me from a very real solution to my problem.

Do you know how you make people feel?

Human beings are silly. We try to act like we’re these super rational people who make decisions based on logic alone, but we couldn’t be further from that. We make many decisions based on how we feel and how other people make us feel.

IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU MAKE PEOPLE FEEL, IT’S LIKE YOU'RE WALKING AROUND WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED AND YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR EARS, STOMPING AROUND, GIVING NO FUCKS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. NOBODY LIKES THAT GUY. THAT GUY DOESN’T REALIZE WHEN HE’S STOMPING ON A KID’S SANDCASTLE.

You Have to Care About the People You’re Serving

Care -> Learn more about their needs -> Make better solutions to help them

Our brains are designed to worry, and they’re good at it.

They’re built to determine the next big thing to “fix.”

We were born to survive, which is to create.
Suffering dissolves when we focus on creating rather than feeling. Instead of being at the whim of how the world makes us feel, we focus on how we can create what we want from what exists.
Good and bad become irrelevant when the focus isn’t “What can I enjoy?” But, rather, “What can I create?”

May I be safe and protected and free from inner and outer harm.

May I be happy and contented.

May I be healthy and whole to whatever degree possible.

May I experience ease of well-being…

The first major revelation for me was answering the second question: “where did it come from?” If you break down any given negative emotion, the answer to that question is always the same at the root: me. An external event may have triggered it, but it’s always me that generates a reaction, whether negative or positive.

But, maybe they’re lazy and just intentionally doing half-assed work. Even so, anger won’t help. Let’s find out why. Again, an honest, anger-free conversation will more effectively lead to a solution than letting the rage pour out. Even when the answer to all of these questions is unacceptable — they just did bad work — problems can be solved without letting them hurt us. Fire someone compassionately with a clear head and move on.

• Breathe
• Focus on your body
• Try saying a mantra
• Acknowledge and label your feelings
• Take a break

Treat your thoughts as suggestions from a much loved friend.
But a friend who you know is vain, insecure, and untrustworthy.

Noticing how this friend reacts to situations in your life
is a fascinating and rewarding pastime.