Do you ever feel misunderstood by others? Maybe you feel that people at work don’t get you. Or that your friends are not on the same page.

Maybe others truly don’t get you. But that’s not because of them, it’s most likely because of your own behavior. I’ll tell you why.

People can only judge their perception of you. And often, there’s a difference between perception and reality, right?

Persuasion and influence revolve around two related questions:

1. How does our behavior influence the behavior of others?
2. How does other people’s behavior influence our behavior?

Look inwardly. Change your behavior for the better. And always be mindful of how others perceive you. Especially, if you want something from them.

Misunderstandings and conflict are the results of the gap between your perception and how others perceive you. To resolve this, you have to understand why the gap is there in the first place, and then work on closing it.

The Definition of a Mensch:
A person having admirable, noble, or dignified characteristics, such as fortitude, responsibility, and firmness of purpose: "He radiates the kind of fundamental decency that has a name in Yiddish; he's a Mensch." (James Atlas).
A person who is admired, respected, and trusted because of a sense of ethics, fairness, and nobility.

Do you know how you make people feel?

Human beings are silly. We try to act like we’re these super rational people who make decisions based on logic alone, but we couldn’t be further from that. We make many decisions based on how we feel and how other people make us feel.

IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU MAKE PEOPLE FEEL, IT’S LIKE YOU'RE WALKING AROUND WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED AND YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR EARS, STOMPING AROUND, GIVING NO FUCKS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. NOBODY LIKES THAT GUY. THAT GUY DOESN’T REALIZE WHEN HE’S STOMPING ON A KID’S SANDCASTLE.

You Have to Care About the People You’re Serving

Care -> Learn more about their needs -> Make better solutions to help them

1. Say it three times
   Rather, the first time serves as a primer, the second as confirmation, and the third as a reminder.

2. Mean (and do) what you say
   If you can’t stand behind your statements or answers at work, repeating them will be both hard to do and misleading for the listener.

3. Remember that real love has real boundaries
   So often frustrations arise when a decision seems arbitrary or contradictory.

4. Expect change regularly
   But if we can accept that most things at work will change at some point, and account for that in our plans, we’ll be able to better recover and face new realities with perspective.

5. Provide a soft landing for transitions
   No amount of self-awareness can stop the emotions my daughter — and all of us — feel around transitions.
   We should be gentle with ourselves during these moments, recognizing that our emotions are legitimate and normal.
   We should extend the same generosity to our colleagues, whether or not they acknowledge they’re having a difficult time.

Let’s take a deep breath together

Our brains are designed to worry, and they’re good at it.

They’re built to determine the next big thing to “fix.”

We were born to survive, which is to create.
Suffering dissolves when we focus on creating rather than feeling. Instead of being at the whim of how the world makes us feel, we focus on how we can create what we want from what exists.
Good and bad become irrelevant when the focus isn’t “What can I enjoy?” But, rather, “What can I create?”

“Almost everybody I know who does interesting, creative work went through a phase of years of where they could tell that what they were making wasn’t good as they wanted it to be… It is only by going through a volume of work will you close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions” — Ira Glass

Every month I reflect on ‘How I can be a better Designer’. I learned through my background in visual arts that you can train yourself to draw better in a shorter period of time (literally).
I experimented with this in the Summer of 2013. My goal then was to achieve realistic sketches of eyes that captured human emotion. To do this I gave myself a 30-minute time limit and these were the results…

1) 8–6–4–2 Rapid Prototype Method
The premise of this method is to sketch for 8 minutes, 6 minutes, 4 minutes and 2 minutes with quick 2 minute feedback sessions in between.

2) A Twist on the #DailyUI Challenge
Maybe you’re like me and you’ve received the congratulatory email on Day 100 🎉 with nothing to show for it. This was the simple twist I added to get myself started.

3) Solve a Problem you’ve encountered
Take a moment in your day-to-day to note down real world problems that you wish there were better solutions for. You might already a list or two or five. It’s time to solve that problem.

To do something well you have to like it. That idea is not exactly novel. We've got it down to four words: "Do what you love." But it's not enough just to tell people that. Doing what you love is complicated.

It’s Your Obligation To Create Amazing Things
By missing out on many of the ‘one days’ in which you could’ve created something valuable and worthwhile, you do a disservice to yourself, your audience and your craft. Something awesome could have been there for the world to see — but it isn’t.

So, stop getting distracted by meaningless things. Stop letting your excuses get the better of you. And stop letting your fears dictate your work.

In that one day, you could create that blogpost or video that goes viral. You could create something that makes an impact on the lives of others. Something that grows your business. Something that changes your own life. Stop letting BS excuses get in your way and stop being your own worst enemy. You owe it to yourself, your audience and your mission to create amazing things as often as you can.

Soft skills are as important, if not more important, than technical skills

Unfortunately, his career progress was sluggish. It was hampered by the fact that it was not easy for others to work with him due to his difficult personality and meager soft skills.

Skill #1: Marketing your work
The impression that managers have on us is based on their observations. They piece together an image of your performance based on contact points like:

your direct communication with them (1-on-1 meetings, working together on projects)
meetings they attend where you are present
demos and presentations that you give
your communication with others where they are passively involved. For example, email CC.
what others are saying about you behind your back (yes, people do talk behind your back)

Skill #2: Time management
Skill #3: Networking
Skill #4: Open-mindedness

As a software developer, I constantly ask myself: what distinguishes an outstanding developer from a mediocre one? From my observation, it has very little to do with formal education, age, gender, and even industry experience. It has a lot to do with mindset.

• Learn how to learn
• Don’t reinvent the wheel
• Small iterations
• Test, test, test
• Apply learned patterns
• Don’t fall in love with your work

Here are some examples of the difference between consuming and creating:

• Refreshing your email inbox and reading the messages that you receive (consume) versus reaching out and getting in touch with people (create)
• Watching entertaining videos (consume) versus brainstorming ideas for a project you’re interested in (create)
• Listening to tutorials and reading guides (consume) versus taking notes and putting them into practice (create)

A Most Important Task (MIT) is a critical task that will create the most significant results. Every day, create a list of two or three M.I.T.s, and focus on getting them done as soon as possible. Keep this list separate from your general to-do list. - The Personal MBA

Adopt the 1–3–5 method to create and manage your action list for the day
On any given day, assume that you can only accomplish one big thing, three medium things, and five small things, and narrow down your to-do list to those nine items.

This means that your daily schedule will feature:

1. One very important task;
2. Three tasks of medium importance
3. Five little things

Planning tomorrow today is a powerful habit that changes everyday.

It’s a system that can completely changes how you work:
Before the day ends, identify and write down the best actions (to-do) you need to take tomorrow that will help you get closer to your work goals.
Every morning, focus on completing your action list from yesterday before midday.

James Clear’s Idea Generation Framework

You’re coming across ideas all the time right like when we talk in this conversation. I think you need to have a central holding ground where you just put all the ideas in your life whether it’s from a conversation or a book.

I typically write either earlier in the morning or before lunch or late at night Whenever I’m sitting down to do that; I’ll go to that list and look through all the notes that are in there. I have hundreds of these. I start to look for ones that connect in some way. Sometimes I have a couple of articles that are in progress. They’re just like holding grounds for ideas.

From Focus to Flow

In an interview with Chase Jarvis, Steven Kotler said it takes roughly 90 minutes to get into a state of flow.

Yet it is a little appreciated fact that many of us at home, school, and work breathe air containing CO2 concentrations of 1,000 ppm every day.

A 2012 study concluded that at “1,000 ppm CO2, compared with 600 ppm, performance was significantly diminished on six of nine metrics of decision-making performance.” At 2,500 ppm, performance levels became more or less “dysfunctional.”

Jean started cracking his bedroom door open at night, and saw the average CO2 level drop by 500 ppm.

Ideas on a little slip of paper are cheap. They flow. There’s no cost to being wrong, so there’s no reason to self-edit. It’s easier to stay generative.

The minute you turn on the screen, you’re not generating. You’re editing.

The first major revelation for me was answering the second question: “where did it come from?” If you break down any given negative emotion, the answer to that question is always the same at the root: me. An external event may have triggered it, but it’s always me that generates a reaction, whether negative or positive.

But, maybe they’re lazy and just intentionally doing half-assed work. Even so, anger won’t help. Let’s find out why. Again, an honest, anger-free conversation will more effectively lead to a solution than letting the rage pour out. Even when the answer to all of these questions is unacceptable — they just did bad work — problems can be solved without letting them hurt us. Fire someone compassionately with a clear head and move on.

Your instinct may be to yell and get angry. It’s natural. But just because it’s “natural” doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

“how much more harmful are the consequences of anger…than the circumstances that aroused them in us.”

When I catch myself procrastinating, I take it as a positive opportunity to reassess what I’m doing.

1-What do I need to do? (Specific and in detail.)

2-Why do I need to do it? (Again, specific and in detail.)

Then I remembered something I need reminding of consistently, despite my 20 years learning the fine art of observing my thoughts:

There is always a loving reason for every catastrophe, minor or otherwise, if you look for it. Always.