Adams’ comics were about the nerd experience. About being cleverer than everyone else, not just in the sense of being high IQ, but in the sense of being the only sane man in a crazy world where everyone else spends their days listening to overpaid consultants drone on about mission statements instead of doing anything useful. There’s an arc in Dilbert where the boss disappears for a few weeks and the engineers get to manage their own time. Productivity shoots up. Morale soars. They invent warp drives and time machines. Then the boss returns, and they’re back to being chronically behind schedule and over budget. This is the nerd outlook in a nutshell: if I ran the circus, there’d be some changes around here.

Yet the other half of the nerd experience is: for some reason this never works. Dilbert and his brilliant co-workers are stuck watching from their cubicles while their idiot boss racks in bonuses and accolades.

The repressed object at the bottom of the nerd subconscious, the thing too scary to view except through humor, is that you’re smarter than everyone else, but for some reason it isn’t working. Somehow all that stuff about small talk and sportsball and drinking makes them stronger than you. No equation can tell you why. Your best-laid plans turn to dust at a single glint of Chad’s perfectly-white teeth.

Delicious vegan mushroom veggie burgers with black beans, oats and walnuts for lots of flavour and a firm texture that won't fall apart.

Made 6

Ingredients

▢ 1 cup raw walnuts, 120 g
▢ 3 cups finely diced mushrooms, 300 g
▢ 1 medium white onion, finely diced, approx. 1 cup, 150 g
▢ 2 tsp chili powder
▢ 2 tsp cumin powder
▢ 2 tsp smoked paprika
▢ 1 tsp garlic powder
▢ 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
▢ 1/4 cup oats, 25 g
▢ 1 cup Panko breadcrumbs, 100 g
▢ 2 tbsp nutritional yeast, 15 g
▢ 1 tbsp ground flax, 7 g
▢ ¼ cup packed roughly chopped parsley or cilantro, 15 g
▢ 1 can (540mL) black beans, drained and rinsed
▢ 3 tbsp BBQ sauce, 45 g
▢ 1 tbsp tamari or soy sauce, 15 mL
▢ salt and black pepper

Instructions

1. Toast Walnuts (Optional): Heat a large skillet over medium heat and add the walnuts. Toast for 5-7 minutes, stirring often, until fragrant. Transfer to a plate. This step is optional but will help bring out the flavour of the walnuts.

2. Chop Mushroom and Onion: While the walnuts are toasting, chop the mushroom and onion. It's suggested to pulse-chop them in a food processor to achieve a fine dice. Do the mushrooms first, then the onion. There's no need to clean out food processor at this point.

3. Cook Onion and Mushroom: Heat 2 tsp oil over medium-high heat in the same skillet (if you toasted walnuts), then add the chopped onion and mushroom. Season with salt and pepper. Cook for 6-8 minutes until the mushrooms release their liquid and most of it evaporates. Add all of the spices: chili powder, cumin, paprika, garlic powder and cayenne. Cook for 60 seconds, stirring constantly, until fragrant. Remove the pan from the heat.

4. Prepare for Baking: Once onions and mushrooms are cooking, preheat the oven to 350 F and line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

5. Blend Dry Ingredients: Add the oats, Panko bread crumbs, walnuts, nutritional yeast, flax and herbs to the food processor and season with salt and pepper. Blend briefly to combine and break down, but not completely pulverize the walnuts.

6. Add Beans and Sauces: Add the black beans, BBQ sauce and tamari to the food processor and blend briefly to combine. Again, you don't want to completely blend the beans and walnuts, some larger bits of walnuts and whole beans should remain for texture.

7. Combine Everything: Now you can either add the mushroom and onion to the food processor and pulse to combine or add the food processor contents to the pan and mix, if you think either is big enough to mix everything. If not, add everything to a large mixing bowl and stir to combine. Taste and season with salt and pepper, if needed.

8. Shape Patties: Using a packed 1/2-cup measuring cup of the burger mixture, form 8 large patties using your hands and placing each on the baking sheet. You can make them a little smaller if you like, in which case you'll get at least 10 burgers. Option to brush each patty with BBQ sauce.

9. Bake: Bake for 15 minutes then carefully flip with a turner and bake for another 12-15 minutes until brown and firm. Let cool on the pan for 5-10 minutes. They will continue to firm as they cool.

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