Bing spent more time acknowledging and validating people’s feelings. Humans typically responded by sharing a seemingly related experience from their own lives. Basically, the chatbots made the exchange about the person; the humans made it more about themselves.

Chatbots are effective in these situations not because of something they do that we can’t, but because of the mistakes humans make and they avoid. When we see someone is in pain, or when someone we care about shares a problem, we instinctively want to help. We offer advice, suggest solutions and rattle off how we once dealt with something similar.

When people adopt similar strategies, their connections strengthen. Consider “looping for understanding,” a technique in which a listener repeats what someone else says in their own words, then asks if their summary is correct—“Do I have that right?” Chatbots are natural loopers. When humans are taught to do the same, they do a better job of understanding what the other person is feeling and helping them feel heard.

People don't want their problems solved. They just want to be heard. Glad I'm not married to or working with anyone who commented.

3. I need you to play on your own for some time.
4. Let's compromise.
5. I need you to do this first. Then, we can do X.
6. While I trust your judgment, I still need you to follow some rules. We can discuss them together.
7. I cannot agree to this. You have to meet me halfway on this issue.
8. I need some more time to process this. Let’s revisit this later after I have had a chance to think about it.
9. We know you mean well, but we are different. Can you respect the difference?
10. This is what I need.
11. I respect what you want, and I understand it. Unfortunately, I am not comfortable yet saying yes.
12. I need you to help me.
13. I understand you are doing something, but I need you to X.
14. I understand you need my help, but I cannot work on this right now.

It can be challenging to express your thoughts clearly. Alan Alda recommends three rules of three for effective and empathic communication.

1. Make no more than three points

Research suggests that short-term memory is far less robust, maxing out at a meager three to five items.

2. Explain difficult ideas in three different ways

3. Make important points three times

In some close-knit relationships, spaced repetition is a phenomenal tool. Teachers, parents, psychiatrists, or team managers can use it to return to and reinforce difficult ideas across many conversations.

Non-defensive/Nonviolent Communication is a way of relating to others so that everyone’s needs matter. NVC fosters connections between people rather than competition, one-upmanship or judgment.

1. Recognize and acknowledge that everyone’s basic nature is compassion and basic goodness, no matter what they are doing or saying on the surface.

2. Recognize and identify obstacles to compassion and empathy, such as unexamined beliefs, judgmental thoughts and old habitual patterns of reactive emotional behavior.

3. Cultivate emotional awareness in the present moment so that your reactivity is not projected outward onto others.

4. Become precisely aware of feelings, if you can, as they arise in the moment and move through you. You may have difficult reactive emotions that you are not conscious of.

5. When triggered into painful reactive emotions, realize that no one can “cause” you to feel anything. See your anger as a blessed signal – use it to connect with your primal, hidden feelings of hurt and fear that may lie hidden underneath.

6. Practice making neutral and factual observations instead of evaluations, projections and judgments.

7. Work continuously with your impulses that want to make others and/or yourself wrong, also known as blame.

8. Learn how to clearly identify and express your basic, universal needs without shame or expectations.

9. Practice what you would like from others without making a demand.

10. Look inside at your motivation for blaming, complaining or shaming others. What are you feeling now?

Top startup leaders share their best tips for managing up, including communication tactics, building trust, and goal setting with your manager.

1. Always align on these two questions.
   1) What is success for me personally? 2) What is success for my manager’s team?

2. Show your work with what matters most.
   “To effectively manage up, you’ve got to understand what your boss wants and needs. This is an exercise in radical empathy and motivation,”

3. Communicate early and often to avoid surprises.
   They think they’re bugging others with constant, timely communication, but this isn’t true at all. When you communicate proactively, you’re giving your leaders up the chain of command the gift of choice: To act on that information, to store that information as notes, or just not do anything with it,”

4. Don’t bury your requests.
   “Writing regular email updates has by far been one of the most effective ways of managing up. These could be project updates, team wins, or personal progress. The emails don’t need to be overly formal — in fact, many recipients typically appreciate a more familiar tone as long as it doesn’t get in the way of the content,” he says.

5. Create a doc to hit the most important points.
   “In my 1:1s with my manager, I make sure our shared agenda and notes are populated ahead of time with the topics I want to discuss, as well as providing any context necessary — like linking to relevant documents. Some of the most productive and effective 1:1s are when our agenda and notes are well-organized ahead of the meeting,”

• FYIs that don’t need a discussion
• Updates from the report
• Updates from the manager
• Follow-ups on action items from the previous weeks
• Discussion topics

27. Create a State of the Union report.
    To simplify managing up and to hold yourself accountable, he suggests sending a weekly “State of Me” email to your boss. “Regularly share what you’re doing, what you plan to do, and what you’ve done with your manager. This weekly email should include your current priorities, things on your mind, and blockers you need help with.

1. Develop a daily writing habit
2. Watch popular speeches and learn how to critique them
3. Observe the strong communicators in your own life
4. Record yourself every day talking into a camera for 3 minutes
5. Reach out to one person a week whose work you admire
6. Volunteer to teach whatever you can whenever you can

1. The grass is never greener.
2. There are mediocre people everywhere we go.
3. The need for a side hustle.
4. Once we understand people, we’re set.
   People go through a range of emotions every day. Once we understand that what’s happening in business could be entirely down to the fact they’re human, and nothing to do with business, we see the business landscape differently.

“A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the right man’s brow.”

The Roman poet Ovid may have said this over 2,000 years ago, but his words are just as relevant today as they were then.

(From Uncle Ed - 02/22/2017)

Daily execution of practicing consistent, reliable, predictable, effective, thoughtful, compassionate, and yes, even courteous communication.